Thanks for the feedback! I think everyone's biggest issue--including mine--is the opening dialogue. Your comments are making me think I should just cut it out instead of trying to figure out what they should be saying. Maybe skip from "No, I will not calm down" and have him interrupt her with "I think I found a wall"?
There is no more to this piece yet, though I have some idea of where it's going. It's on my list of things to finish eventually! XD I think your commenting skills are excellent and I am officially putting you on the beta list!
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2011-08-11 04:13 pm (UTC)There is no more to this piece yet, though I have some idea of where it's going. It's on my list of things to finish eventually! XD I think your commenting skills are excellent and I am officially putting you on the beta list!